My Enneagram- 3, 6, 9⁠↗

it can be hard to get real vulnerability from them, unless they will directly benefit from it. This is why Bill Clinton is my archetypal 3. “Blank gleam” is a 3 tell for me, an impersonal suavity.

Most 3s are not even aware of how much they are optimizing in order to please others. If you have to track a value system, that is far too slow. You have to become it in order to possess real facility. What is concealed is the “don’t abandon me” desperation underneath, and it is often immense. As a result, it is magnificent to see a 3 finally open their heart. And though 3s are often reluctant therapy patients, when they finally turn their competence towards acquiring real emotional intelligence, they flourish.

They possess initiative, and, equally, impatience. They want to be where it’s going and make it happen now. This desire typically blooms into genuine competence in multiple areas — many serial entrepreneurs are 3s. However, this speed emphasis can cause them to cut corners in pursuit of the goal, to overpromise, to be carnie barkers for the gleaming future self they are working on. This also makes them good at spotting talent: since they are so used to seeing themselves as an exploitable resource, they can spot resources in other people, whether to identify future rivals or colleagues.

Often, the confidence of a 3 is surprisingly contextual. Catch them in their environment, where they know how to be, and they absolutely ooze self-assurance. But they can have more trouble in situations where they are visibly the odd one out. Learning something they aren’t naturally talented at is painful, as is entering periods of uncertainty between achievements. Thus, the maturity for 3s is not necessarily in giving up on the project of excellence, but rather learning to punctuate it with relaxation, and to allow for “explore” as well as “exploit”.

The 3 can find it especially redemptive to realize that ultimately, they are not a problem to be solved — not every one of their issues is a resolvable pathology, or a peak to be surmounted. They are also loathe to accept this, because they are so good at making shit go that it’s initially dispiriting to give up on taming the wilds of their subconscious. Being in a place of perpetual stress is typically safer for them than a stance of acceptance.

They often possess social awareness. Understanding who is really powerful in the room, who is trusted and who isn’t, what the motives of all the players are — this view of the game board tends to make 3s savvy operators. At the same time, this tactical lens works less well in the domain of casual friendship, and also overestimates how tactical the world is, at large. Thus, a trap that 3s can fall into is performing for people who have no need of the show. Many people, as a result, admire 3s more than like them.

When unhealthy, their fear of falling short causes them to numb out and collapse into themselves, like a neurotic 9. When healthy, they acquire the giving pragmatism of a 6.