9 Family Rules All Parents Should Enforce⁠↗

adults talk way too much — like 80 percent too much. What happens is that they end up babbling and a 5-year-old says something like, “I hate you,” sidetracking the conversation and getting out of any responsibility. Using fewer words helps that.

Kids believe two things: One, that you’re always available. And two: Their needs are paramount. Often, these coalesce when you’re on the phone or a Zoom call and a child interrupts. When this happens, say, “Hang on for one second,” then, “Thank you so much for waiting,” with full sincerity. And all you need to do is finish your sentence. This rule may take a while to stick, but it introduces patience and impulse control.

is: “Wow, look at what you did. What do we do next?” That keeps parents from being constantly reactive and, as a result, stressing kids out. “They’re always waiting for you to blow up,” says Brian R. King, a social worker, and parenting coach. You’re also not swooping in to fix the problem. According to this rule, your child is asked to be resourceful and imaginative, which isn’t an issue.

Kids don’t long to put stuff away, but they will build up their frustration tolerance by owning what they’ve created. It’s a pretty straightforward rule … until they stall. When that happens, in a calm voice say, “I’ll leave it up to you, but if you choose not to do this, I can’t talk to you right now.” You don’t give her any reaction, which is what she wants, but you’re giving a path back to you, which is really what she wants, says Jude Currier, a licensed psychotherapist in Amherst, New Hampshire. There may be yelling at first, but she’ll eventually see those tactics don’t work and when she completes a task, she’ll feel some independence and self-esteem.

Sarcasm comes with bite and dismissiveness. “It has never made anyone feel better,” Sasson Edgette says. You may think you know why your child is behaving a certain way, but there’s no way to always keep everything in mind. A simple “You okay?” is plenty. You’re curious. You assume nothing. There’s an invitation to talk and you might hear an explanation. If it’s valid, validate it. If it’s not, you can say, “That doesn’t really work.” Either way, you’re an understanding guy.